Time Can't Erase A Feeling This Strong...

(Note - this bottom pic isn't really that old, I just took a picture of it on the wall with my phone.)


Last Thursday night I was watching old home videos. Ever since last Thursday I have been filled with dread. The dang kids are growing up and I am powerless to stop it!

Now it is gonna sound like pure insanity, but there are times when I wish we could go back to those moments when they were so little, so sweet, and such a pain in the ass to take care of. Yes, to the days of diapers, and bottles, and not being able to do one single fun thing I want to with my pals unless I'm dragging along a car seat.

I often brag it up that I will have grown kids by 40. However, I'm starting to wonder if that is all it's cracked up to be... I will be the first of my friends to have a kid drive, to move out (possibly), and all the other firsts that are less than fun.

Although, as sad as it is that they have to grow up they are indeed growing up into the most amazing people. Thing 2 is super creative and obsessed with all things monkey. He recently wrote and illustrated an entire notebook full of monkey stories to include titles such as 'The Monkey Planet' and 'Monkeys Join The Army'. And Thing 1 is an outstanding baseball player. He is so good he just may be able to take care of his parents if he chose a career in MLB.

It's just those moments when I realize there is nothing I can do to stall time, the moments when they do some awesome new thing I never knew they were capable of - those are the moments that are bittersweet. I am so proud of them every second of every single day.

I just really wish I could hit the pause button, if only for tonight.

Let the fear take the wheel and steer.

I'm 15-years-old. I'm behind the wheel of a Ford Escort, a late 80s model with zero power steering. The (still alive) Notorious B.I.G. is rapping "believe me sweetie, I got enough to feed the needy" on the CD player. And I'm out on a date with my high school boyfriend Joel. He has decided that tonight's the night. It's time for me to learn how to...drive.

Upon finding out that neither of my parents had in any way, shape, or form given me any chance to learn how to master a vehicle, it then became his mission to make me into a skilled drivin' pro. He had no idea of what a pain in the ass I can be. I dare say he probably had a good idea later on in life, but hey, that's not the story at hand.

Our driving course of choice was the parking lot at the Jordan River Parkway and of course it's at least 11pm at night. We had bellies full of French Dips and Pepsi from the Scone Cutter restaurant. In our eyes, the night was still very young.

2-hours later we were both convinced that I had no hand/eye coordination and that we should come up with some scheme to become rich enough to afford a driver. There were a lot of laughs, maybe a few tears (cars without power steering were from hell), and I ran over my very first sidewalk.

Eventually (months later), we were able to accomplish the goal of me being a decent enough driver to get by in Driver's Ed class. And my teacher may or may not have had to tell me (multiple times) to "look at the road!!" instead of the ducks on 'Duck Road' during my first few drives out with class, but eventually I was able to get my license without any problems.

It's funny though, anytime I hear this song, I'm a kid again, just learning to drive, and I'm full of hope for what the future has to hold. Thanks Biggie Smalls.