I Must Have Caught Something In The Heat Of All These Dances

On most Sunday mornings my cute pal Jessica and I like to go to yoga and hit the 8am class. Partially because we are batshit insane to get up that early on the weekend, but we do like to get it done and over with so we can spend the rest of the day recovering and chillaxing. Oh and we do intend to try to gain maximus fitnessus via our death yoga routine. Pretty much any day now we are gonna look just like supermodels and get rich off of our looks and charms! PS - If you ever wanted to stalk and kill me/us I totally just filled you in on my/our routine. You're welcome Serial Killers of the earth! Sorry Jess.


Well, this past Sunday I was cruising along on my way out to the city to class. I was in an oddly happy mood, rocking out in my car to The Used. Maybe looking a little lame, but hey, that isn't a new occurrence. When suddenly ahead of me in the road I see this big ol' mega slow moving deer.

So I have to slow down, and then I have to slow down some more, and then finally I have to actually stop. My homeslice the deer, let's call him Stan because that is what Jessica named him as I regaled her with my story after our workout,  is just looking at me in front of the car. So, I lay on the horn and yell at him "Hello Idiot, death machine, in yo face. I could keeeeeel you!"

Stan, the deer, tilts his head at me. Apparently, Stan is not amused or bothered by me. So I hit the horn like ten times as fear sets in that I am going to be smashed by a ten ton truck since I am stopped in the middle of the road random style.  Who knows? Stan could've been a Final Destination deer sent to the road to take me out.

After what feels like forever, but is probably 60 seconds, Stan finally and fancily prances across the other side of the highway and over a barbed wire fence. Even though it was a risky thing to do, I watched as Stan crossed, just to be sure he doesn't get pancaked on the highway in front of my face. Stan is a survivor, he's not gon' give up.He makes it just fine.

I let out a sigh of relief, turn my car stereo back up, and get ready to recommence my travels to town to kick my own ass for sport. And before I take off, after having my full attention on Stan's risky road crossing trick, I glance to my right.

And about 5 more deer are standing to the side of my car staring at me with the same dopey looks on their face. *insert Psycho movie killing music here*

Taken aback (AKA I had no idea the jerkos were there and they totally snuck up on me and scared me half to death) I let out a real uncontrollable, terrified, and completely humiliating if anyone ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever heard it scream.

This prompts the deer posse to then scatter after Stan.  I am finally left to get on my merry way left thinking to myself  "well played deer pack."