It's good, isn't it? Grand, isn't it? Swell, isn't it?

Envy. It's a feeling that a lot of us aren't unfamiliar with. Someone always has a better house, a better relationship, has more fun with their friends, has more adventures, etc. These types of lists can go on and on and on. But guess what folks (I say this as if my blog is read by billions)? Those people, who you are envying, are busy envying the life of someone else. It's a vicious cycle of lucky bitch syndrome.

I would say over the last few years I have learned that you can like the life you're livin', or you can live the life you like. Shout out to Roxy Hart! Now, I am no guru of happiness to be spouting out advice. I've done a lot to damage my own love life. I've settled for far less than I deserved and tolerated things that most people would not have. I've sabotaged better things to avoid change. But I have learned from that. And I am trying everyday to make a better life for myself and my family.

I think where I am trying to go with this is that I sure wish I had known earlier that if I want more, I've got to make it happen. There is no fantastical life fairy that is going to pop in and solve all of our problems. If there was I would make that fairy make me perfectly fit and also have her clean out my closet. While she is at it she can help Nicholas learn how to tie his shoes 'cause we've been slackin on that one.


As is common knowledge I am obsessed with all things wordy and all things songy. So here are a few quotes that I feel go along with this tangent.

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had. ~ Erica Jong

Live young, die fast, no one will last. ~ Alkaline Trio

Think a little less, live a little more. ~ Broke City

So keep the blood in your head. And keep your feet on the ground. If today's the day it gets tired. Today's the day we drop out. ~ Brand New

Don't waste your time, or time will waste you. ~ Muse

"Sadie G. she's crazy, see?"

What if ol' LiLo was your family member? Would you look at her in the same way?

A relative, who will remain nameless, of mine was rushed to the hospital on Sunday night. My mother was with her and noticed she was acting completely disoriented and out of her mind. So she took her to the ER. Turns out, like our suspicions, she is on drugs. No one in our family has ever had a drug problem. So obviously this is rocking our world.

This relative and her husband have been going through a really hard time lately. He hasn't worked in the last two years. She has been carrying the load on her own. He recently came out to the family and confessed he had a prescription drug problem. So of course everyone wanted to get him help.

These members of our family have been bleeding my parents dry lately with all of the money they have borrowed. Thousands of dollars. Telling us of their financial problems. Everyone felt so sorry and wanted to support. That being said we had our suspicions that the other half of the couple may have had her illnesses too. She completely whole-heartedly denied it.

However, things just progressively got worse. She was fired from her job of nearly ten years for taking money. Money she told us she had "borrowed" to make ends meet while dealing with a drug addicted husband who had pawned nearly everything that they owned.

Well as it turns out they both have a problem. And it's not just pain pills, it's sadly more than that. I hope that we can help them. They have a child who is caught up in the mix of all of this. Everyone is hurting. It's pretty shitty. My kids have been asking what is going on with them. I've just told the boys that they are sick and trying to get better.

My relationship with said relative has been strained due to her being a super bitch for the past two years. And now it makes sense. There are a lot of hurt feelings I have been carrying around it for a while. I hope that when she is better I can forgive her. Seeing her in that hospital bed, completely unconscious, of course had me in tears. At least finally the pieces fit.

It's time like these that I wish I had stronger faith. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Oh those summer nights.

It's been a long day. It sit, in my king sized bed, in my house, in my small city on the outskirts of SLC UT. It's unusually quiet in my home right now even for the midnight hour. We don't sleep a lot around here and I see no problem with it. However, my very LDS neighbor once said to me "We sleep at night, you guys don't." but whatever. Yes we are different, so what?

I'm in an odd mood. Pondering life, love, and everything in between. I just finished up a huge project I was leading for work. I'm emotionally drained for the day. Probaly why these random heavy thoughts are pouring into the gutted pit left in my brain.

Recently there has been a lot of drama in my family life involving my sister. She has many things going on in her life that are difficult to deal with. And the result is that she has pretty much turned into a mean back-stabbing beotch, to put it most delicately. And it hurts me. I do love her still, but this last fiasco really dug deep. So, I have come up with a way to successfully avoid her at every future family event for the rest of my life. I know, I know, I am being SUPER MATURE. I am stellar at avoiding dealing with issues.

Right this second, I still lay here, in my bed. In Utah. It's a superb summer night. There are pieces of my life that are missing. However, I am not really in much of a hurry to go and find them. I will probably just brush my teeth and watch a so-so Sandra Bullock movie on TV and fall asleep.

It feels like I'm addicted to a really bad thing.

So, I am very much so NOT the super TV fan.

Good stuff just doesn't come around all that often. However, I have to admit I am hooked on Breaking Bad! And, I don't wanna go to rehab. If you haven't seen this show I say go rent/purchase the first two seasons on DVD (dont worry you will get through them way quicker than you think) and then catch up on Season 3 reruns which are supposed to start airing on 7/25.

Then we can talk about it, bitch. ;)

Just call me The Hoff

David Hasselhoff - American actor, faux lifeguard, singer, and businessman. A man of many hats. All of his creations of average effort/payoff in my opinion. Nothing spectacular, but someone who took a hand at just about everything.





Me - American girl, mommy, businesswoman, poet, guitar novice, runner, casual painter, writer, etc.




A lot of times I feel a lot like a Hasselhoff. There are so many things that I love doing. I am always torn in about 20 different directions.

I feel like I am heading down the path straight to the town of mediocracy. I worry that I will not ever learn to slow down and become really good at one thing. There are too many things to do, too many goals to accomplish. Just like The Hoff - I wanna do it all!

There are times that I feel really stupid and try to hide some of my hobbies:

I run, but I feel like running doesn't make me skinny enough. So I don't tell people that I run because they probably wonder why I still have curves. Forgetting to relish in the fact that I am strong enough to enjoy running Half Marathons.

I paint, but I am too lazy to spend more than two days on a painting. So whatever comes out in that timeframe is what it is. So I never feel it is much of the quality that I'd like to share. Undermining the fact that my mom and sister each have a few of my paintings in their homes and they get complimented often.

A great friend of mine is teaching me to play the guitar. Now, I know I have gotten a lot better, but when it comes time to play or sing in front of family/friends I usually pass at the chance. Even though right now I am in the midst of writing my own song that I kinda like.

Oh, and I have an overwhelming urge to design/make my own clothes. I currently am visualizing a dress, pants, and a skirt I want to make. I totally need to buy a serger!

So can someone please tell me how to learn to enjoy the ride?

You better watch your weight or your weight will watch you... 5/21/10

I am a fortunate to work for a company that cares about our well being enough to offer us a lot of programs to stay healthy along with all of the other benefits. Well we had the opportunity to sign up for Weight Watchers at Work.

Now I have been on the eternal mission to lose ten pounds pretty much for the whole of my adult life. I bitch about it. I whine. Well over the winter season and holidays I lamely packed on another 7 or so. NOT GOOD! So when work decided to do Weight Watchers I was on that bus whole heartedly.

In the first 5 weeks I have lost 8 pounds. Each week it varies from a 3 pound loss down to a 1 pound loss, but I've always lost. However, being a perfectionist the weeks I only lost the one pound I subsequently beat the crap out of myself emotionally for the rest of the day. I'm pretty much pissed. You think I'd just be glad that those horrible unwanted LBs are gone, but noooo....

Today was a one pound day. I was acting like Baby in Dirty Dancing when Johnny gets fired anyway even after she rats herself out for spending the night in his room. I DID IT ALL FOR NOTHING! No fast food, no delicious candy enjoyment, zilch. AND then to make it up to myself I ate a Milky Way bar. In complete vengeance against said diet that screwed me over. I also just realized that a Milky Way is basically a 3 Musketeers Bar with caramel on top. Yeah, yeah, most people probably know that already, but for some reason it was an epiphany for me. Tasty, but it actually made me sick to my stomach since I have been weaned off of junk and now it no longer agrees with me anymore. WTH?! That is lame and sucky!

Anyways, here in the aftermath the words of Jimmy Eat World hit me… (who I own all of one song of theirs)

It just takes some time.
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine.
Everything, everything will be alright.

* note, I didn't bother to look that up. My version works fine to prove my random non-important point.

Guess it's time to stop kickin my own ass over it and keep on truckin.

camouflage

It's a sad day when you notice that your new floor matches your dog perfectly.

Green with Envy - 4/13/10

Alternate Universe


Inspired
by your
purity
and
power

Not to
mention
you've got
the
softest
heart

I'd
kill
for just
one
day
in her
shoes

Life and
Laughter
mixed
with
lovin

But
in reality
I must
awake

and
eat
my envy
for breakfast.

Accidental Memories - March 23, 2010

So my BlackBerry has this annoying habit of inadvertently taking pictures by itself all of the time. Mostly because it has this side activated button that works even when it's locked. In the sake of pure random time killage I thought I'd blog some of those badboys and try to interpret them for society.

Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I


Exhibit A)

This is definitely a morning on-the-way-to-work picture. I love my job like my chihuahua loves food. I love that this shot captures the morning sun along with my swinging rear view mirror decoration. I hope that I didn't waste that morning with a negative mood.



















Exhibit B)

This would be my kitchen floor. Now looking at it I think back to the days in 2002 when we were building our house. I was sooo young in comparison to today. Both in a literal way and an emotional way. I picked this tile out at a store that was messy in my opinion. Funny how picking put flooring for your very first home can be THE most exciting thing on the planet at a certain moment.



















Exhibit C)

This would be the inside of MY car. I had no idea how much I've fallen in love with my little Honda Civic until somebody backed into me at the store. When it was gone for a week and I was driving a beastly massive rental car I just wanted this piece of my life back...ASAP!

















Exhibit D)

Meester Rocco puppy on my lap. I still have a broken heart for my first chi Tito, but my sweet new dog has worked his hardest to steal my heart. His kisses are the best medicine. He's very genuine, and I suppose ALL dogs are, but I think mine might just have a lil somethin special


















Exhibit E)

Shopping trip to Kohls to pick up a birthday present for my nephew Jayden. Nicholas was on high-brat frequency that day. Conned me into purchasing two overpriced transformers toys, and to go to Wendys for him on the way there EVEN though there would be food at the party. I'm way too soft hearted, but I love that kid so much. What's an bit of a compromise in my self worth to make him smile? NOTHING!


















Exhibit F)

Thing 1. I'd be a teen mom again in a heartbeat because I ended up this lucky. He is actually taller than me now. And, OK I realize that I am a shorty, but still...



















There are more photos and I could keep on keepin on, but I have to work in the morning and it's, oh around 1:30am.

The lesson I learned here tonight with this project is how much I like the life I'm living, and I'm living the life I like.

Counting the days..

This is soon to be my new baby. I'm just waiting for the order to come in. Time is a man with a blade in his hand.......

Do you wanna know? What my love is. 2/25/10

As it is known I am crazy about music. Love it. Breathe it. Over-quote it. Just one of those things that make me, me. I can remember my very first experience with live music. My parents decided to take me out to a pizza parlor. The building still exists in Sandy, but alas now it is a mattress store. Anyway, back to the story at hand, I love pizza! It has ALWAYS been one of my most favorite things ever, even then at my young age of four. So the server brings out our pizza and just as we begin to eat a band comes out. Its some local indie band of the 80s, which even happened to have a woman guitar player. Awesome!! And as soon as they started playing I couldn't resist the urge to head right to the front of the stage and watch in amazement. Not even the pull of glorious pizza could hold me back. I was a fan even in my preschool days.

Since November of 2008 I have been a fan of Alkaline Trio. I honestly think to myself "I can't believe I didn't find them sooner" every time a new Alkaline Trio song finds me. My bestie Marta was an avid fan and every time that I played Bayside for her, or took her to a show, she told me of how they reminded her of Alkaline Trio. So when the opportunity for us to see them, and VIP I might add thanks to our dearest pal Buck, we were definitely game to see the show!

Well, the show opened with Thrice who also put on a most entertaining show, and ended with Rise Against who as headliner earned their place without a doubt, but the band that stole my musical heart that day was Alkaline Trio. Now, it may have been enhanced by the Long Island Ice Teas we were sipping, but I have never been soooo into the performance of a band that I didn't even know their songs. We danced, cheered, and were completely entertained the whole time. I've since seen them a total of 3 times and each time I am very impressed.

Their music is unique and refreshing lyrically. It ranges from dark to upbeat. They make a fun play on words in the titles and lyrics, very cool. The lead singer and the bass player take turns singing lead vocals and that is also a fun change of pace. I love songs sung by each equally.

Here is my playlist suggestions: (admittedly I haven't purchased their older, punk rock themed CDs, but I will as that is just my cup of tea)

* Calling All Skeletons
* In Vein
* Over and Out
* I Found Away
* Do You Wanna Know?
* Live Young, Die Fast
* Love Love, Kiss Kiss
* Lost and Rendered
* Into The Night
* In My Stomach
* Time To Waste
* Burn
* Mercy Me
* Sadie

So, if you're not already a fan, I do suggest making Alkaline Trio one to give a listen to. I dare say you won't be dissapointed.

Live young, die fast
No one will last
So sit back and relax
Enjoy the crash
You're fading to black and it's gone
Live young, die fast

And I feel a miracle
In every breath that I breathe
Won't let this miracle
End in tragedy
I sense a miracle
In all that I see
Won't let this miracle
Slip away from me

injurious aficionado of the foot coverings...2/5/10

To know, know, know me - Is to love, love, love... all my shoes.

Alright, I will admit it. I have an excessive amount of shoes. Recently in an organizational frenzy I decided to clean out my closet. A girlfriend of mine dared me to take inventory on my shoe supply. Well, apparently I like shoesies more than my 7-year-old likes Sock Monkeys. I've got over 300 pairs of shoes. I had to give up counting due to exhaustion. No kidding. Part of the problem is that when I find a pair of shoes/boots that I love I tend to pick up a pair in each color. Or at least in black and brown. You know, 'cause once you've got a great pair that you adore you always think to yourself "If only these were black/brown I could wear those with THIS outfit today. Sigh." That aside I started thinking now, I have all of these shoes, but they are never all in rotation at the same time. There are your basic seasonal shoes (sandals, boots, flip flops, etc), and then you've got your all season shoes (boots, tennis shoes, dressy shoes) that are kind of like all season tires. Good for everything.

Anyhow, here are a few pics of the shoes that are in the current rotation:

The Vintage Cowboy Boots. My mom picked them up for me at a thrift shop for 5 bucks. They look so cute with everything. I am in love with them. Now at first glance, I have to confess, I was unsure. Once I started pairing them with dresses, jeans, and skirts, I couldn't stop.






The Catch-all Tennis Shoes. I pair them with sweats, jeans, certain dresses, certain skirts. They fit like a glove. Their beat up look makes me love them even more. Nothing like pairing a delicate dress with a tough girl pair of trashed slip ons.







The Dressy Work Shoes. They pair up great with dress pants, skinny pants, and jeans. I am hung up on the studs on them. They have this edgy vibe to them. The toe normally would be a tad too pointy for my liking, but these guys pull it off.







The Brown Booties. I like pairing these with bare legs (they stand out more this way) and my neutral colored dresses and skirts. They also work with the right skinny pants, or the occasional legging.








The Black Booties. I have so much fun wearing these shoes with my going out dresses. Now I don't go out a lot, but I wore them to the work Christmas Party with a great 80s style dress and bare legs. Got lots of positive feedback. I also like them with the right skinny pant like the other pair.

Wednesday, Boring Wednesday 1/27/10

Today was rock star day at work. We were to wear our favorite band T-shirt to work. Well, if you don't know it already, I love live music. So this means I have collected a lot of shirts over the years. So rather than debate the most favorite I just threw on the first one my hands fell upon. Bayside. I paired it with a black camisole underneath, a really cute black thin sweatery-jacket thing I picked up over last weekend, a black tulip skirt, leggings, and my black vintage cowboy boots with the tassels. I think it worked.

Now on to Bayside. Bayside is a band from NY. I was introduced to them by my teenage brother back in 2005. And, upon listening, I thought to myself "Where have I been? I love these guys!" This band's music is fantastic both acoustically and electric. I love the lyrics too. On Halloween in 2005 my family was planning on heading out to The Great Salt Air here in SLC to see them. That day we received horrible news that the show was canceled. Bayside had been in a terrible van accident on their way here and their drummer John Beatz was killed.

Since then after healing, they have made several more albums. And I've really loved their live shows. Oh, and every time I've met their singer Anthony Raneri (@AnthonyRaneri on Twitter) I pretty much can't say a word because I find him to be such an inspiration to me as a writer. Such passion and energy captured in song form. Envy. I hope one day to write songs that are a tenth of these.

Anyways here is a list of my favorite Bayside songs if you're interested in checking them out:

• Blame It On Bad Luck


• Carry On


• Dear Tragedy


• Devotion & Desire


• Don't Call Me Peanut


• Duality


• Existing in a Crisis


• Half A Life


• Hello Shitty


• How To Fix Everything


• If You're Bored


• Just Enough To Love You


• Masterpiece


• Montauk


• The Tortures Of The Damned
  


• They Looked Like Strong Hands


• We'll Be OK


• Winter

If you hear this and you think you're ready, meet me in
Montauk
where we'll write out in the sand
Here lies the destiny of two hurt souls afraid to be cured again
That could be our epitaph

Chit-Chat & the resulting words

This poem was inspired by a conversation with a friend about a person who in our lives turned out to be quite a different person than we had originally thought them to be. So here is the random documentation of the poem that resulted.


Plagued


She's left here denying an ache left by one
who never brought her anything more than meltaways.

Thinking to herself that his presence again
at any time would be far too soon.

However, having to admit that thought arises
way too much for someone so deserving of oblivion.

She's nothing more than a weather broadcast
from last year to him.

Not even as lasting as a gas pump receipt.

Yet she sits here with the heavy heart of a woman
who thought she'd killed that muse.

One that lays dormant inside, hibernating.

Not even a muse of great worth, but one that clings
to her like the smoke of a house fire.

If only she could suffocate it.

Just wasting words on lower cases and capitals

So Charissa tells herself today, "Don't go pawning your saddle just yet!"

So I have decided that I am starting a new figure of speech. Pawning your saddle/Pawn your saddle. To pawn one's saddle is being in one's most desperate state.

You see I was watching some vintage country videos the other day (please don't stop liking me for that), and I looked up "Good at Goodbye" by George Strait cause well, I like the song. The video is so funny. In it his woman leaves him and drives to Vegas. When she gets there she stops at this pawn shop, goes in and pawns her saddle (she is a cowgirl and all), and comes out counting her cash.

So since watching this, I've been trying to make "pawning your saddle" happen. It's mostly well received with a bit of feedback with it sounding, uh, a little dirty. Like something that "working girls" would do. Haha, gross. I think it is freakin hilarious and sounds like real old saying someone would say.

Anyways, if ya'll can help me make Pawning your saddle/Pawn your saddle happen that would be great. And hey, in the very least people will be like "what the hell did you just say?" It's a great comeback when someone is whining or complaining. Maybe it's a story you have heard over and over and over. You can just reply with - maybe you should just go and pawn your saddle!

To see the chica literally Pawn Her Saddle take this link:



Oh, P.S. here is a random impromptu poem.

Emotional Toll

I stop
at the booth
I dig
in my purse

Scrambling
Unprepared
Annoyed

Then it hits me
I'm
being
overcharged.